Friday, October 22, 2010

The Mo-Hell

Freddy and I had just made our way in to the small, West Texas town of Munday. Never heard of it? Neither had I until Freddy was asked to be a groomsman in his friend Finch Matt's wedding that would take place in Rhineland, a smaller, t-tiny community 10 minutes outside of Munday. It's somewhere near Haskell and Seymour. A little over an hour north of Abilene.

Anyway...we had just driven in to Munday when our friend Andrew, who was also in the wedding, called. His voice came across the speakers in Freddy's truck. There was no hello. No what's up buddy. Just "Your wife is going to *insert expletive here* when she sees this place". He was referring to the Motel, or as I came to call it...the Mo-hell.

I consider myself middle-maintenance. Not too high, not too low. I like nice things, but I don't demand the latest and greatest.

I've stayed in shady hotels before. There was the motel in Nacogdoches that -I kid you not- was the location of a drug bust or prostitution sting in the wee hours of the morning. Then there was the motel in Davis, California. I can't recall specifics (am I choosing to block them out?), but I remember it being shady and cheap. VERY CHEAP. Tarleton grads - As a point of reference, this was also the motel of choice for traveling Plowboys.

Yes, I have stayed in establishments with a no-star rating. But none gave me the physical reaction that I experienced when first I saw the Mo-hell, and every time I was in it. All weekend long. For two nights. I literally felt my stomach turn and it took several hours and a few adult beverages before it finally settled down. I'm not lying. I'm not exaggerating.
Let me give you a guided tour. Here are some pics from the outside.

When we arrived Andrew was installing his own smoke detector. Apparently, there was no maintenance man and Larry the Cable Guy's toothless cousin (again - not kidding) could not be torn away from the busy check-in desk to take care of this.

The inside of the room doesn't look as bad as you thought it would, does it? Wait until I show you some close-ups and some of the details. I will spare you the pictures of the hairs- plural - on the bathroom towels (of both the long and short nature - again, not kidding). I forgot to take pictures of the random signs in the room - like the one that asked that you not remove makeup, wash your boots or your truck with any of the towels or washcloths.

See those blue sheets and tan blanket? I purchased those at the Dollar General along with flip flops to wear in the shower- the shower that never dried, was always wet. Ew.

Can you see the many layers of wall paper under the poorly-textured and peeling walls?

We didn't spend much time in our rooms. Can you blame us?! The first day we braved the hornets and mosquitoes and sat on coolers next to the cotton field. We would be on lawn chairs, but there were none to be purchased. On Saturday the girls headed to Abilene. Our mission: Avoid spending time in the mo-hell rooms.

The hornets made their way in to our room. When Freddy opened the blinds to kill them, they all came crashing down.

And now for the details...Hold on to your stomachs...

- the flyswatter wall art

- the picture framed that was most likely hung BEHIND the door to cover the patched hole in the wall, but it didn't actually cover it.

- the gorgeous bird art work framed with - you guessed it - a TOILET SEAT!

And finally, the holes in the ceiling plugged with toilet paper.

FYI - The shower head also had toilet paper stuffed behind it.

Why didn't I run from there screaming? The only other lodging option was 30 miles away. You're right. We should have made the drive.

There. I blogged about it. I got it out of my system. And now I will never think of this place again.

Disclaimer: This hotel is not a reflection of the wedding we attended. The ceremony was beautiful and the entire evening was FULL of nice, personal touches. I would add a picture of the bride and groom, but I am sure that they rather I didn't.


MELANIE said...

Oh. Cheryl. There are no words.

Cheryl said...

I forgot to mention, Melanie, that I made Freddy check the bed for bed bugs. We were out of there as SOON as we woke up on Sunday morning.

Misti said...

Wow, that is pretty bad. Really bad. I'm staying in a motel in nowhereville East Texas and luckily it is cleaned daily and has been pretty nice for a run of the mill no-tell motel. I think the worst place I've stayed was in Bolivia, but that's to be expected. Let's just say that bare wiring in the shower is not a good thing.

Andy, Sarah, and Owen said...

Oh wow! This must make some kind of list for the worst motels ever!!! You poor thing!

Bella Lela said...

Oh my! Nice to meet you Cheryl... you just made me laugh so hard I peed in my pants! Thank you for that :) I will def be following your blog from now on!!!

Cheryl said...

Okay, Misti. How bad was your East Texas motel? Do tell.

Welcome, Lela. I hope I don't disappoint.

Melissa said...

I don't even know what to say. I don't know how you did it!!

Lauren said...

Oh my, Cheryl! I would have to have several glasses of wine to be able to even SLEEP there! Ha ha! I'm proud of you for keeping a positive attitude!