Friday, January 16, 2009

Wylie-inspired Pretend Survivor

Allow me to introduce you to someone. His name is Wylie and I met him in college when my roommate (and bff) and I traveled to Lubbock for the weekend. We stayed with her best friend, Wylie. Oddly enough, his roommate Alyssa is my friend Shelby’s cousin. Small world, huh?

Anyway…Wylie is hilarious. His blog is hilarious. If you haven’t already ventured over there by using the link on the side of my blog, please do. My friends follow his blog now and email me to tell me to check out new posts. Shelby is convinced that the two of them would be good friends. I agree. And Caroline (his wife) and Matt (her boyfriend) would probably just sit back and laugh at them.

Anyway…Wylie’s last postis his vision of how his favorite tv characters (reality and non) would fare against each other in Survivor. I found it to be on par with the rest of his blogs – full of belly laughs and worthy of reading aloud to my husband. It also got me thinking…how would my favorite tv characters do in a game of Survivor? Here is how I see it:

The players:
Kate Gosselin – Jon & Kate Plus 8
Jon Gosselin – Jon & Kate Plus 8
Meredith Gray – Gray’s Anatomy
Izzie Stephens – Gray’s Anatomy
Michael Scott – The Office
Dwight Schrute – The Office
Meredith Palmer – The Office
Kitty McCallister – Brothers and Sisters
Justin Weaver – Brothers and Sisters
Nora Weaver – Brothers and Sisters

Jon and Kate decide that leaving their friend Beth with all 8 kids would be too much of a burden, so they bring Joel and Alexis with them. The first night, Joel bites in to a glow stick and Jon leaves with both kids to take Joel to the hospital to have his stomach pumped. At the first challenge, Dwight misinterprets the instructions and thinks the task is to find and kill a bear (yes, there are bears in Africa. He saw one last year, idiot!). When he pulls out the cross bow he hid in a tree trunk and a sword he hid beneath a rock before the competition started, the producers disqualify him. Justin has the lead until he falls and breaks his leg and Meredith Gray swoops in and wins the first immunity.

Just minutes before the first tribal council, Meredith Palmer is bit by a bat, gets rabies and has to leave. Michael wants to leave to organize the Michael Scott Dunder Mifflin Scranton Pennsylvania Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure, but decides to stay and sends Meredith a goodie basket instead. Come tribal council, everyone has decided vote off the oldest contestant, Nora. Never one for face-to-face confrontation, Michael casts his vote and runs away, leaving the show and saving Nora from having her torch extinguished.

Before breakfast the next day Kitty receives a call telling her that she and Robert have been selected by another birth mother to adopt her child. She leaves so that she can insult the woman and miss yet another opportunity to adopt. Izzie plays on Justin’s weaknesses and offers him pain killers to ease the pain of the broken leg. He accepts, becomes addicted and is voted off at the second tribal council.

Final Four : Izzie. Meredith Gray, Nora and Kate.

During the “stand on the pole in the middle of the ocean for as long as you can challenge, Meredith Gray falls in, no one notices and she drowns. Later that night, Ghost Denny appears to Izzie and convinces her to undergo heart transplant surgery and cut her own HVAC (or LVAT or whatever the heck that things was called) so that they can have their Romeo and Juliet ending. Always a sucker for Denny, she does it.

So we’re down to Kate and Nora. Two Moms. Face it, Nora maybe older and have more insurance, but Kate is the mother of 8 – two sets of multiples. Kate wins, regardless of the fact that she hates the outdoors almost as much as she hates getting dirty.

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